I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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