Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
