She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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