I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
