What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
