all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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