the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
