Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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