is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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