Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You should frame my arrest warrant.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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