He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
