3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
