Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
