My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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