She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
