I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
