Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
