I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
