Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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