At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
