Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
that's an acceptable place to lick
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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