You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
