why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
