After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
