Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
