Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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