I wannas sexs uuuuu
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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