How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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