its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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