oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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