I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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