You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
