Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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