Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
