I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
