You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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