I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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