I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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