I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
