every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
