it was like his penis was on wheels.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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