Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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