Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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