Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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