Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
