You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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