i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
