Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
