All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
