The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
