College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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