Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
