just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
