I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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