that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
