I think I just saw someone hide a body.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
