i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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