He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
