After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
