I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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