I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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