My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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