Duck Duck Cougar?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
