he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
