Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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