i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
