I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
