I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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