so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
