Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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