I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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