i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize