I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
