I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize