She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
