My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
