Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
