but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
