I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
