Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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