I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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