i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
