Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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