Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
organizing the empties. That sober.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize