May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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