He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
