so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
