if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
3pm strippers are depressing
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
