Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
