Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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