Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
