You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
