grandma shit on top of the toilet
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
