I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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