so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
