He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we're making bets on your personal life
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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