They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
