look no pants
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
