I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize