mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
