I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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