When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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