I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
