Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
