I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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