is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
