i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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