you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
