i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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