That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
